Doctors from Vancouver General Hospital announced on Friday that they have performed the first ever horse penis transplant on a 32-year-old male. During the 14 hour surgery, doctors removed a man’s penis and replaced it with one from a horse. The first ever cosmetic reconstructive surgery was not due to any health issues, but a choice the man made to “increase the excitement in his love life.”
“I come from Asian descent, which left my manhood lacking my entire life,” said Phuy Su Ling. “Women don’t take me serious. When we get to the point of intimacy, they always laugh. Well they won’t be laughing anymore will they? I got 18 inches on them now, and it’s as wide as my wrist. Come get it bitches!”
Doctors say that Ling will be in the hospital for an additional nine days to make sure that his body does not reject his new part. After his three-month recovery, Ling will be able to “use his gigantic instrument any way he sees fit.” Until then, Ling says he is phoning every girl that ever laughed at him and setting updates for this upcoming April. “I’m not wasting any time,” Said Ling. “And I’m not giving any warnings. I can’t wait to put this bad baby to work. Who will be laughing now bitches!”
Doctors have tried to discourage Ling from using his newly acquired manhood as revenge. However, they say it was just their job to surgically attach it. Whatever he does afterwards is none of their business.